This is not the post I intended to write.
For a variety of reasons, none of which have any need for exposure, I’m in an unusual headspace. My mind is completely filled with snatches of songs, lyrics and verses and rhymes that link like a paper chain garland to be strung on a Christmas tree. Even trying to drown them out with playlist after competing playlist has been ineffective. So I’ve turned to writing.
What I want to say is cribbed straight from the Wicked soundtrack, track 18, “For Good”, wherein Elphaba and Glinda express the sorrowful beauty of their situation, full of bittersweet nostalgia and the pure love of deep, mature friendship:
“I’ve heard it said that people come into our lives for a reason, bringing something we must learn, and we are led to those who help us most to grow if we let them, and we help them in return.”
The final line of the song is “I don’t know if I’ve been changed for the better but because I knew you I have been changed for good.”
Recently, I’ve felt the sadness of losing faith in those for whom my level of respect was high and virtually unwavering for a very long time. It’s a particularly unexpected emotion, yet there it is. Funny how much my worldview was changed by the revelations and actions that brought me here. I’ve discovered a whole new relationship with the above-quoted phrases; I’m not sure that I’ve been changed for the better, but I’m definitely changed for good. And I’m oddly grateful.
However, there is another segment to that, another point made that gets lost, and that I actually didn’t include the first time I wrote out the quote. “…and we help them in return” is a super vital part of that sentence, because it truly does tie up the symbiotic dynamic of the concept. People often say “karma’s a bitch” or “what goes around comes around” but while they’re chilling there on Mount Judge-a-lot karma is sneaking around the back to kick them in the ass. I assume. I’m not actually much of a karma person, so this is all sort of allegorical for me.
As recently and rapidly as hurt has descended, Newton’s Third Law decrees that something absolutely amazing must happen., and quickly. Karma. Whatever. Good old Isaac is still at work in the world. When my faith and strength were at their lowest, the most incredible folks appeared (figuratively) from the woodwork, with words and deeds of support and with kindness and with love, a level of love that has left me speechless, filled only with this huge heart. And these are the people who have changed me not only for good, but also for the better. It is my job to help those who have such faith in and love for me, either by paying it back or by paying it forward, and I take that duty quite seriously.
There is a lesson to be learned from virtually every experience, and the lesson I have chosen to take from my personal 2017 is that sometimes things just really truly deeply suck, and then, all of a sudden, the sunlight breaks through the clouds and illuminates exactly what needs to be seen. This post is both appreciative and cautionary. I’m not a fly, and I won’t be swatted. I am fiercely loyal and protective. Enjoy the calm; the storm isn’t far behind.